The Grace of Receiving

My mom is a phenomenal gift giver. 

It is her love language and she enjoys finding stuff for everyone from her nieces and nephews to the local dry cleaner. 

The gifts are always thoughtful and both unique and useful. At this point I think there are more people on the Monterey Peninsula who have received gifts from her than haven’t. 

But she is (admittedly) the absolute worst at receiving gifts. 

She does not want them. Not in a “oh you shouldn’t have” way, but a very real, “you definitely should not have” way.

My mom is not alone. Receiving can be difficult for a lot of us. Whether it is a physical gift, a compliment, or someone treating us to dinner, we often deflect, argue, or minimize. 

There are many different reasons for this aversion to receiving - not wanting attention, social conditioning, wanting to seem humble, not feeling deserving, and valuing reciprocity to name a few.

But there is a grace in simply accepting someone else’s generosity. In just saying a sincere “thank you.” In trusting that if someone is offering you something, they mean it and want you to accept it. 

Giving brings joy to both the giver and receiver. Think about when you give someone something, how does it make you feel? Do you really care if they have something for you in return? 

I imagine not. There is a lot of research about giving and nearly all of it points to the giver getting a number of benefits, including increased happiness and better social connections. 

So, the next time that someone compliments you on your outfit or gives you an unexpected present, instead of deflecting, try saying a simple “thank you.”